The Voice of Vulnerability

 “Vulnerability is our greatest measure of courage. 

It is to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. 

Vulnerability fosters authenticity, belongingness and love.”

- Professor Brene Brown 

How is vulnerability like swimming in shark infested water?

Would you like to be this vulnerable diver circled by sharks as you swim towards the light? 

This is what social researcher, author and speaker Professor Brene Brown describes as vulnerability - the unstable feeling we get when there is uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Like this diver, we risk feeling exhilarated, surviving an amazing experience. We also risk the opposite; being attacked.  

Although we know sharks only attack when hungry and threatened, our fear of them is heightened through the sensationalism of shark attacks. Yet National Geographic statistics show that only 80 people per year worldwide are attacked by sharks whereas 100 million sharks die at the hands of humans.

Similarly, our fear of vulnerability is heightened by sensationalising people's attacks of rejection, shame and grief. Yet, professor Brene Brown’s 20 years of extensive research on vulnerability show many more people have the courage and strength to survive vulnerability than those who are harmed by it!

Interviewing 1,280 people about their vulnerability experiences, working with over 15,000 mental health workers and coding over 11,000 comments, Brene found the survivors of emotional scarring had one common strength - courage.

Her research shows our courage makes us more relatable and authentic. When we show our strength and conviction in getting back up again, despite setbacks, we are no longer seen as easy prey. We show an inner resilience when we keep swimming towards what we are striving for. Others may even be inspired to join us in our quest. The hungry, threatened sharks swim away. 

So how can we be vulnerable and show courage? How can we keep a safe distance swimming with sharks and focusing on the light of hope, which is where we want to go?

Firstly, we must be discerning with whom we trust to share what is important for us. With their love and support, we can better deal with the sharks of uncertainty.  

When we are being attacked by the sharks of rejection, we focus on those who do accept us. Instead of sensationalising that we are ‘not good enough’ to meet others’ expectations, or when others judge us as unworthy, they want to divorce us or make us redundant, we realise some relationships have expiry dates. We swim away from these people and swim toward those who accept and believe in us.  

When we fear being attacked by the sharks of shame, such as bankruptcy, gambling and our addictions to food, alcohol or other drugs, rather than sensationalising that we are ‘not strong enough,’ we forgive ourselves. We refocus on when we are strong enough to swim away from temptation and swim with courage, toward rebuilding our loss.     

When we are attacked by the sharks of grief, we understand the depth of love. Rather than sensationalising our loss, we learn to allow our tears to flow with the tides of emotion, and soothe the pain of losing loved ones, our unborn child, our infertility, our lost childhood, our shattered dreams. In time, we find peace in our memories and have the courage to love again.

We know the sharks will always be circling. They remind us to appreciate the goodness in what we already have - people who love us for a reason, a season or a lifetime. We have our dreams to motivate us and our ability to learn and adapt. It is our attitude of gratitude that allows us to  keep our distance from the sharks as we swim in the ocean of life, towards the light of who we want to become.